Jimmy’s Big Day

11th October 1982, a day just like no other
As I came into the world, along with my astrological brother
And we were both called James, once again the same
Although I haven’t got Mayo as a secret middle name
We first met on the rugby field, I was normal, he was posh
He wore a ridiculous school uniform and his school cost loads of dosh
He had knee socks and a blazer, a cap like wee Jimmy Krankie
All of us from the state school thought it was really wankie
But we both ended up at the Grammar school and a true friendship was found
And I’ve always been delighted to have my Jimmy around
In fact he’s one of ‘The Lads’ we’ve known each other for years
Shared many times of laughter and maybe a couple of tears
His house parties were infamous, though he could never take the pace
He’d pass out early on, leaving us to wreck the place
But his parents never knew as next day he could never wait
To get his Marigold gloves and pinny on and set the whole place straight
His bedroom was immaculate, all the surfaces were clear
But open up the wardrobe and you’d find all his gear
We’d stand above the kitchen fan and smoke a joint or two
Rolling spliffs was something adventurous and new
But soon were puffing away, a skill we really honed
As our smoke was sucked into the kitchen, where his mum risked getting stoned
Jimmy’s been a chameleon, we remember the surfer-dude phase
And the heavy metal attire seemed more than a fleeting craze
But of course he’s finally matured, ditched the T-shirts and wearing black
He’s now much more sophisticated – just like Bergerac
He needs to look suave – it’s part of his career
But what he actually does for a job, we have no idea!
It’s amazing he’s done as well as he has – as he’s never been keen on change
He can be reduced to a seething mess by a furniture re-arrange
Once when he was out Katy moved the couch a bit
And when he got in it was melt-down – James really lost his shit
So hats off to Katy for putting up with his mummy’s-boy ways
His Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and the amount of sport he plays
We’ve always been into rugby, but now he’s giving golf a go
He’s got all the gear and no idea, I’d hardly call him a pro
In fact his handicap’s enormous, and despite having all the goods
I’ve seen him play, and safe to say, he ain’t no Tiger Woods!
We gave him a good stag do, took Dublin by storm
Broken fingers and a broken phone meant Jimmy was on form
He was dressed as Mr Motivator, which was quite a disturbing sight
Especially as he loved his leotard and kept it on all night
And now he’s getting married, the bro-mance may be done
But I know that in Katy, he’s really found ‘the one’
On the night they met, how he managed to woo her, isn’t totally clear
As he was incoherent after too much Ibizan beer
But he must have said something right, as here we are today
And I’m so proud and happy to help send him on his way
I don’t think Jimmy being married will stop us being matey
I just have to accept, I’m second best, after the wonderful Katy