Don’t Listen to Mum and Dad

Good afternoon everybody, I’m Jason, the father of the groom
And I’m so proud and happy as I look around this room
To see so many people here sharing in this happy day
As I gain a wonderful daughter-in-law and give my son away
They say the path to true love isn’t always the smoothest one
And I think that that was certainly true when it came to our son
Partly because of timing, separations that made him sad
And partly because of disapproving noises from his mum and dad
But I have to say, as I stand here today, that I couldn’t be more delighted
As I’ve come to see what is meant to be and how you two are so truly united
It was when Olly was working down at the gym that the pair of you first met
Over a bit of equipment while Megan was working up a sweat
But unfortunately for the both of you you had to quickly call it a day
As Olly was already booked up to go off to the U S of A
He was working in Camp America but on his first day there
He phoned up and begged us to send the return air fare
It wasn’t us he was missing though, which is what we thought at the start
But because a certain young lady had already stolen his heart
He made it through the season and when he stepped back off the plane
He realised where he wanted to be was back with Megan again
But after a while, in true man-style, when ‘commitment’ reared its head
Olly took a different path and went to Oz instead
Only to find, what he’d left behind was the most important thing in his life
And that he didn’t want grog and bar-bies he wanted Megan as his wife
So back he came to re-ignite the flame and accept that he was beat
And that with Megan and Joshua in his life his happiness is complete
You’ve got to admire Megan’s staying power, hanging in there as only she can
And just like the Canadian Mounties – she finally got her man!
Although sometimes she might regret it as the most annoying thing by far
Is when Olly ferries his mates to football he insists on using her car
But then Olly’s bugged at the end of the day Megan can’t leave him alone
But tries to pin down his ETA by getting him on the phone
But really you’re a winning team, both considerate and caring
And together you’ve a future that is really made for sharing
You’ve brought out the best in each other and I do believe
That you’ll be just fantastic as Mr and Mrs Cleve
I know we had our reservations at first but what really makes me glad
Is that you followed your hearts and were smart enough not to listen to your mum and dad!

Mr and Mrs Massey

Hello everybody I’m Les, the father of the bride
And I’m delighted that you all are here to share my joy and pride
I know that Becky and Neil want you all to have a good time
So to save you from a boring speech, I’m doing mine in rhyme!
As I look around the room I see people from far and near
And I’d like to thank each one of you for being with us here
It’s the joining of two families although, as some of you may know
This story actually started about twelve years ago
The great romance of the year 2000 we’re sad to say dwindled
And it took eleven lonely years before it was re-kindled
And in that time the pair of you have worked hard and made your way
Until fate intervened and a journey began that led you here today
Becky was a bonnie baby, I remember every minute
Especially the wheelie baby walker with Becky firmly in it
She was a bit of a demon driver and ran over everyone
In her rush to get to the telly when the theme for Corrie came on
In fact many years later, not wishing to be unkind,
But during our driving lessons her wheelie-walker came mind
It was a relief when she passed her test as teaching her was proving wearing
And I think she’d probably had enough of my stress-inducing swearing
But then her driving’s exemplary when you compare it to Neil’s
When he takes a corner, I kid you not, he’s only on two wheels
Neil’s only other flaw is being a West Ham supporter
As is only proper for a midlands’ lass it’s West Brom for our daughter
But in every other way he’s the perfect son-in-law
And since we’ve gone into business together I like him even more!
So now pay attention, pens at the ready, and note down what I have to say:
For your gardening needs go to
Neil’s a green fingered genius, it really is his thing
And as you might tell from my blatant plug, I’m in charge of marketing!
As well as working hard, you both love family and friends
And when we’re in your company the laughter never ends
I call Becky Dolly Daydream, but as a matter of fact
She’s been very together throughout her life and her bags have often been packed
To go off adventuring – around the world far and wide
Even an orphanage in Kenya was something she took in her stride
And then she was off to Kilimanjaro a peak she wanted to climb
But then Neil came along and decided to join her just in the nick of time
It was when he was dizzy and disoriented standing at the top
That his oxygen-starved brain decided there was a question he wanted to pop
And that state of confusion led to the happiest day of his life
As my beautiful daughter has done him the honour of becoming his wonderful wife
It doesn’t matter that eleven years passed, it what lies ahead that counts
And I know you’ll give caring and sharing and love in equally important amounts
Married life has ups and downs, fair and stormy weather
But I know the two of you, side by side, will face them well together
So raise your glasses with me now and salute the happy pair
To Becky and Neil and the future that they’ll share
We wish you years of health and wealth, warmth and love and laughter
And most of all we wish you both a happy ever after…

So now over to Matt, who’s so sure he knows his stuff
He hasn’t prepared a speech – he’s talking off the cuff
Whatever he says, we’re sure it will amuse
As he’s full youthful confidence…. and also full of booze!