Happy Birthday, Val

When I set my mind to Val’s wonderful life it really got me thinking
And the thing we most admire about her has got to be her drinking!
She’s the hostess with the mostess, a proper party queen
She’s made the most of the high life, everywhere she’s been
She started as a fashionista before jetting off with BA
A proper trolley pusher, partying all the way
But then came her wonderful kids and a quieter side to life
Being a fabulous mother and an equally amazing wife
And still the wanderlust continued hopping from place to place
Putting down roots and making new friends a smile always on her face
When you settled in Texas for a while, it really made our day
It really is a pity that you just weren’t able to stay
But you can be safe in the knowledge, that given another chance
I’d happily revisit with you the coffee table dance!
We saw out Hurricane Rita together, helped by a big box of booze
And you rescued your prized possession – your pair of Jimmy Choos
We love your tempestuous relationship with Mark – you give as good as you get
But really you love each other as much as the day when you first met
You share the same values in life, both love family and friends
And when we’re in your company the laughter never ends
You’re such a social butterfly, even when Mark goes off working
But then he has to keep you in bags – you love your Hermes and your Birkin
You’re mad about your yoga and when you need some R & R
There’s nothing you like better than retreating to a spa
Mark never gets a sentence finished he always has to stop
As you simply ignore his input and talk over the top
You’ve had to be adaptable settling in new places
Leaving behind familiar friends and seeking out new faces
But through it all you’re always smiling, looking out for fun
Whether ski-ing down a mountain, or surfing in the sun
We’re glad the wind blew you our way, even for a while
As everything you ever do is always done with style
And so it is with your birthday, a veritable vision in white
Celebrating fifty fantastic years and getting it just right
Really Vi and I grateful to have you as our pal
And by now I should think, you need that drink – so Happy Birthday Val!

Happy Birthday Mike!

When you move to a new neighbourhood, it can be a bore
If you find that you can’t stand the family next door
In 2002 we moved next door to Barbara and Mike
And within a day, had to say, what was there not to like?
Mike’s a proper Texan – living the American dream
Although he’s a disappointed, right now, with his favourite football team
He’s a hunting, shooting, man about town, big trucks and cowboy boots
He may be quite the business man but he’s true to his Texan roots
He does everything at supersonic speed, and loves the latest tech
And everything he does in life is done to the highest spec
In fact when they tried to move away from Violet and me
We quickly did a reccy to see if the plot beside theirs was free
We then got Mike to build us a fabulous house next door
And for the next nine years we carried on just as we had before
In fact when we finally came to move after being neighbours for fifteen years
The wrench was so distressing it reduced us all to tears!
But at least we’ve still got Max in common our favourite handy man
And, really part of the family, the Feign/Ferguson clan
Mike’s an incredibly hard worker, but he also finds time to play
Especially when Bobby and Bogden, the in-laws come to stay!
He’s famous for his barbeques – it’s the Texan way of eating
And being from rainy Scotland there’s no way I’m competing
We’ve also done the wine thing before, the amount we drank was crazy
And the memories, all wonderful, are also a wee bit hazy
Except the French Laundry, where we really had a laugh
Despite the ‘exotic’ menu and the super stuck-up staff
Mike’s a proper grafter, as ‘Main Street America’ goes to show
It’s been truly amazing watching his business grow and grow
He’s a proper family man, with Barbara at his side
And Rachal and Matt, in all they do, fill them both with pride
And looking back to his father, Ralph, is truly humbling too
And I’m sure he’s also there, somewhere, in everything you do
So, Mike you’ve made the big 5-0 – that’s quite an impressive score
So Happy Birthday, my fabulous friend, and here’s to fifty more!


Little Katie-bell in the middle, here you are at sweet sixteen
And I have to say, you’re the best middle daughter there has ever been
You are the morning mommy, you get breakfast underway
And I don’t know what Kassy would do without you at the start of her day
It’s amazing you’re so good in the morning, as I know you love your sleep
But then you always hit the hay early – no need for counting sheep
You’re mad about hip-hop dancing and, of course, cheerleading too
And going along to Young Life is just what you like to do
We hope you’re happy in Naperville, we think life’s pretty great
Although, I’m aware that Texas, is actually your favourite state!
Thanks for helping me with the ’51 Willy, the greatest truck by far
Although I guess, it’s second best, when what you really want is a car!
Although your mom’s not too keen on your driving, it always gives her a fright
I don’t know why, as I’m the one who taught you, and I think I taught you right!
I know you love to belt out a song, although I have to say, given the choice
I might prefer if you stuck with cheering – a much better use for your voice!
You’ve always made me proud of you, and always brought me joy
In fact the only thing that brings me down is when you go out with a boy
But then you’re getting all grown up and I know that right from the start
You’ve been so kind and loving with such a generous heart
You’re the most beautiful and thoughtful person that there has ever been
The most lovely girl, in all the world, happy birthday sweet sixteen!

Sixty Years Young

Sixty years you’ve been on the planet and when I look back over your life
I’m proud and happy that so many of them have been spent with me as your wife
I feel like we’ve grown up together – I really wouldn’t change a minute
As everything that’s good about life is usually because you’re in it
You’re quite the mechanical marvel and I really have to say
I don’t know what we’d do without you and your WD40 spray
You’re the king of flat pack furniture – a whiz with a hammer and nail
Although there’s always an injury involved, and swearing without fail
But no matter how many ‘f’ words there are or how enormous the disaster
You’re a man who’s stoic in the face of pain and you’ll never accept a plaster
You’re mad about motor sports on the box and taking the dogs for a stroll
Although I’ve a suspicion your en route beer is often the ultimate goal
You’re a bit of David Bailey and often, whether we like it or not,
We’re made to stand around freezing, while you wait for the perfect shot
In your working life there’ve been tunnels and towers whose designs you’ve had to determine
Before making the move to your present position in the glamorous world of vermin!
You love bridges and buildings – especially when the scale’s impressive
But I’m beginning to think your love of the Shard is bordering on obsessive!
We’ve made some fabulous friends down the years – Lynne and Paul and Jeff and Val
Not forgetting David, and Diane, your special ‘Bad Knees’ pal
As a father you’ve been exemplary doing Lou’s after-pub run
And looking after Adrian when he’s had a bit too much ‘fun’
We’ve had some hilarious holidays – and adventure has always been found
Like the time we lay relaxing by the pool as Lou nearly drowned!
We’ve done the med in sun and rain and taken caravanning to heart
And pony trekked, which on a shire horse, is quite an impressive art
You’ve put up with my ‘projects’ over the years, supported me in all I do
No matter the fact that my plan of attack is usually making work for you
Our wedding day was a disaster, the honeymoon pictures went wrong
But as for the future we built together, well that’s still going strong
And here’s to what’s yet to come and some geriatric romancing
I think we’ll make our diamond do – if we just avoid ballroom dancing
So from the very bottom of my heart I say ‘Happy Birthday, Tony!’
You’re sixty years young and you’re still loads of fun and you’re still my one and only